Beautiful Things

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Confessions of a Mid-Mission Crisis

I want to preface this blog with a post written by one of my team mates, CJ. I think it just about sums up what we're all going through in different ways. You can give it a read here!

I have to admit that I have the tendency to be a worry wart.

I don't particularly like that part of my personality, but it's there, and this last month, it's been surfacing a little more than usual...

I think this is due to the approaching 6 month marker and several other stressers including, but not limited to:
             the political situation
                     ...and how that effects those at home
       finding a place of ministry in my church
             ...and not feeling very "useful"
 wanting a schedule (haha- never thought I would say that after college!)
                                     and... having NO personal space

So a few weeks ago, I retreated to Bouake to take a breather and attempt to wrap my head around all these things and get my perspective back on track. After a week of rest (really understood Psalm 23 and those "still waters"!) and then another week of seminars, I felt renewed, but still unsure of what was next. I was faced with the option of moving back to Bouake, into a brand new family and a new church, and would be able to be plugged right into a ministry there. OR I could go back to Korhogo and keep on truckin' along. Well, whether I was going to stay in Bouake or not, I needed to go back to Korhogo for a week to say goodbye to my church and family.

Well... The night I got back to my family's home, I realized that staying one week was just not going to cut it! Next week is Paque (Easter), which means a huge celebration and lots of dancing at the church. I can't possibly miss that! So I made the decision to stay in Korhogo for at least 2 weeks and also made the decision to not make a decision as to where I would stay for the next 6 months.

In the coming days, it felt as if all of my worries and stresses were being addressed one right after the other.

Monday: Gbagbo was captured- political situation moving forward toward reconciliation and peace!

Tuesday: Pastors are excited to talk about what I can do to serve the church!

Wednesday: Talks with Bakary about making a schedule and where I can serve.

Thursday: Bakary took me to see a great ministry that I had no clue existed in Korhogo, "Le Centre Don Orion", for the mentally and physically handicapped.

Friday: Spent the day with Elizabeth in a village market. This was actually pretty tiring, but it helped me to understand my host mom a little better. (pictures coming soon!)

Saturday: Attended a prayer reunion in Korhogo for all the religious leaders. It was incredible to sit in the middle of the Muslim women and pray for peace and reconciliation in Cote d'Ivoire.

I'm realizing that waiting on God's will and timing requires patience on my end. Not just to wait for Him to show me what's next, but to wait quietly, and to hope steadily. All my worrying, griping, pleading for God to just let me DO something kept me from seeing that He was already laying opportunities before me.

The more I think about it, worry is just fear. Fear that God won't take care of me. But fear has no place in our faith. When we trust God as our Savior, fear cannot stand, it's pointless! One day at a time is all that He asks of us.

So I'll bring this rambling to a close with something I read this morning. I was hit by the encouraging words of Paul in Romans:

"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit".    Romans 15:13

1 comment:

Glenn and Linn said...

Naomi, I love your honesty in these posts. The waiting for "ministry" is truly hard -- I remember it so well. And yes, often it is part of what the Lord is doing to remind us that our obedience to him is as much about "be-ing" as "do-ing," and in a cross-cultural situation filled with tension like yours is, the waiting is inevitable. I'm so glad for the peace you're finding, as well as for some answers! Du courage!